Dear White Allies, We Need You to Have Thick Skin
As you might have already discovered: your feelings may get hurt in the war against white supremacy. We need you to get over it.
It seems like overnight, we’ve suddenly amassed great ranks of white people willing to fight for the validity of Black lives. As I’ve watched my white friends crusade into the trenches, I’ve also witnessed their surprise at the fact that Black people haven’t been as welcoming as they initially expected. Some are surprised by the anger being expressed – some are offended that the anger is directed at them.
I recently had a white friend post a status saying:
“In the name of anti-racism, shut the fuck up white people.”
Anyone seeing a paradox?
While my first instinct is to condemn this as race-baiting and dismissive, it was posted by someone that I genuinely consider an ally. I typically refrain from responding to content that I find insensitive, but in this case, I decided to make an exception – and it went extremely well. They received what I had to say and understood the perspective I was coming from. After the exchange, I realized that other allies may be feeling this same way: confused, defeated, defensive. So, as a gift, I’ve decided to share an amended version of my response with you.
I call this a gift because I took the time out of my day to write it. These feelings could have readily been found via Google, Black history books, academic papers, and the literature of grassroots organizations. But I put in the labor for you – so receive it as a gift:
“In the name of anti-racism, shut the fuck up white people.”
You may not like the phrasing because it's aggressive, but the underlying message is valid. This is the first time in a long time that Black voices are being listened to. We ask that white people do not upstage our moment – this can and has happened by white people speaking on topics they're not fully educated on, speaking over Black people, and escalating peaceful assembly to violence against the wishes of organizers. So, given these circumstances, we are asking white people to please be quiet and let Black people be heard.
It is this necessity of Black voices at the forefront that invalidates the alleged “paradox.” You may think it’s unfair for people to be silenced on the basis of skin color – in this case, white people – and in egalitarian circumstances, that is true. But we do not live in an egalitarian world, and the issues we’re currently fighting for are specifically about people with Black skin and how they’re treated. When the issue at hand is specifically about skin color, then it makes sense that those most affected ask for the microphone.
As you pass the mic, please know that it's misguided to interpret this request as "shut the fuck up forever." It's not. It’s more of a "shut the fuck up when we're trying to talk but please please PLEASE continue to speak up amongst your friends, your family, and within your predominantly white spaces. While we do the work out here, we need you to do the work in there." It’s imperative that you recognize the immense power and influence you have when it comes to bringing antiracism into white spaces. You have access to people, conversations, and credibility that many of us do not, just because of your skin color. Use those things to your advantage and champion antiracism amongst your peers and kinfolk.
Lastly, because you’ve made it this far and I'd like to challenge you: it's a symptom of fragility that you get to be offended by how the message was phrased. Policing the tone of Black people is not needed right now. As an ally, we need you to have thick skin. We do not have time to constantly break down the real meaning behind each message. Some messaging will come out aggressively because we are ANGRY – we're angry at the government, angry that we’re mourning again, angry that the validity of our lives has to be debated, and yes, angry that it took many of you so long to finally wake up. We have a right to that anger and its neighboring sorrow. Do not take it personally. Dust yourself off, understand that we're hurt, find the underlying message, and keep it pushing.
We have had to have a thick skin for a very long time. Now we need you to do the same.
Imani Vaughn-Jones
Atlanta-based actress and writer. Firm believer in active love and the Oxford comma. The world is your oyster — grab some hot sauce.